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Jul 19

Achieving Intimacy in Your Marriage (Debunking 7 Myths) Part 2

4.       SheMyth: Men always want sex

This is arguably a forgivable myth. You have probably heard it said time and time again, “…all men think about is sex”. So you have come to accept it as the truth. That may even be your experience as far as relationships with the opposite sex go. It may be that all the men you have hitherto related with had only one goal in mind: get into a bed with you. So in marriage, when your husband appears not to be interested in you sexually anymore, you think the worst: he has a mistress outside, or he is becoming impotent.

 The Fact: Men are averagely more “sexed-up” than women. By that I mean that the sexual appetite of the average man is more than the average woman. That is not to say that the more sexually demanding partner in relationship is always the man. It may be the woman. But more commonly it is the man.

Men however do not always think about sex neither are they always ready to have sex. In a loving and faithful marriage, there may be times when the man is either unable or unwilling to have sex.  The reasons for these may include tiredness. Yes! A man can also be tired. It may also be beyond simple tiredness. There are medical conditions that can affect a man’s libido. Social conditions can also affect a responsible man’s libido. I tell you it is possible for the next batch of School fees combined with rent payment can weigh so heavily on a man’s mind that he may not be able to perform as he should.  Someone has walked into my consulting room with such a condition. For other men, a habit of the wife may be the turn-off.

Maintain an open communication line with your husband. Don’t take the libido of your husband for granted. Some things can turn it off.

5.       SheMyth: It is my husband’s job to satisfy me in bed

This is a rather common myth. It is perpetuated in kind by the widespread belief that the bed is an arena where men conquer women. They have heard many tales on the “exploits” of men in the bedroom. So many women enter marriage expecting their husband to also do exploits on them. Unfortunately for the vast majority, this expectation is dashed.

 The Fact: Either female or male, the most important factor in your sexual gratification is you. Should you not want it, there is little anyone can do to make you a sexually fulfilled person. You cannot be an inactive passenger in the journey to sexually bliss. You have to be an active co-pilot. Tell your husband what you want and when you want it. It may surprise you, but many men are clueless on what really pleases their wives. Make your husband one of the educated lovers. Encourage him with sounds and moans of pleasure when he does the right things. Guide his hands when they are going astray. Guide his thrusts. Should he ejaculate before you have had your fill, try not to hiss. Express your disappointment in a sexy loving way and help him have another erection. For many men, the second erection lasts much longer than the first.

Take charge of your “sexual destiny” today. Change your mentality. You are not a passenger. You are a co-pilot.

6.       SheMyth: He may not like how I look naked

I have found out that many women don’t like how they look naked. They wish they looked like someone other than themselves. In fact, many women cannot boldly stand in front of a full-length mirror and look at (if not admire) their own bodies. There are many reasons why this is so, but that is not the subject of discussion today. What is is that many women believe the man in their lives also share this dislike of their delicate anatomy. They wonder and are tormented by the thought of what their partner (and even the society at large) thinks about their bodies. They are tormented by questions like: “…are my hips wide enough?”, “…are my breasts sagging?”, “…my buttocks are not round enough”, my legs are too thin or too fat”,  ………(fill in the blank spaces).

The Fact: As far as sexual intercourse goes, most men don’t notice many physical things women are worried about. The more important things for a man in a sexual relationship is the enthusiasm of his partner and how well she satisfies the need to him to feel he is able to satisfy “his woman”. Some men will leave their fine “figure-8” wife at home and actually pay money to have sex with a short-fat-pudgy looking prostitute. As far as they are concerned, what the “ugly” prostitute may lack in beauty she more than makes up for in attitude, confidence, and enthusiasm (got that acronym? ACE. Memorize it! © Dr. Gbenga Adebayo)

I am not saying you shouldn’t strive to look the best you possibly can. No that is very far from my point. Practice hygiene. Look your best always. Dress smartly and in beautiful clothes. There is sexy lingerie for women of all sizes. Get a few. Exercise and live a healthy lifestyle.

Please stop worrying about what is or not about your body. Take charge of your bedroom. Your ACE ( attitude, confidence, and enthusiasm) are more important.

7.       HeSheMyth: Great sex is not for everyone

Please let me ask you: why do you have sex? Some people see sexual intercourse as a task that must be performed to keep the devil at bay. Some others believe sex is only intended for procreation needs only and as such couples should have sex only when they want to have children.

I believe sex is a great gift God has given couples primarily for enjoyment and consequentially for procreation. Sex is to be enjoyed. You can have a great sexual life with your partner if you both commit to pleasuring one another.

Great sex may be hard work (which is not tied to the bedroom!), but it is a rewarding work. You can enjoy sex every single time. Yes. Every single time you can have heart-pounding-heavy-panting-wild-shouting sex!

Related Article: Achieving Intimacy in Your Marriage (Debunking 7 Myths) 1

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